Memoirs of a Lady Doctor
by MyImmortal329
Summary: A Work in Progress story following Michaela Quinn from her birth in Boston through the rest of her life. What paths will she take? What hardships will she over come? Will she find the man she's supposed to spend the rest of her life with?
1. Chapter 1: 1840 to 1866

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

Memoirs of a Lady Doctor

By, Ashley J.

October 19, 2005 -

1840-1866

I was born on February 15, 1840 to Dr. Josef and Mrs. Elizabeth Quinn of Beacon Hill in Boston, Massachusetts. Being the youngest of five daughters and the last child for my parents, I suppose my father put me upon a pedestal. He loved us all, but I was given "special" treatment, meaning that he took me on his rounds, when he visited patients at our nearest hospital. My sisters didn't mind, however, because as we grew older, they became interested in dresses and parties and dancing with handsome suitors. I spent time with Father at the hospital. He called me Mike, and I appreciated spending time with him, because it kept me away from the overbearing, controlling eyes of my mother, who fell faint every time I expressed my wishes to be just like father. She tired of me, though she loved me, and I was practically raised by my father. He told me I could do anything I wanted, and he was the man who showed me that I could make the world into what I wanted to, within certain boundaries, of course. Just because I was given special treatment didn't mean he didn't challenge me. In fact, he challenged me more than any of my sisters, because he knew I had potential. That's what he told me, anyway.

By the time I was ten years old, I had witnessed a surgery, several births and even an autopsy. His colleagues didn't appreciate my presence, but they learned to either grow accustomed to my being there or ignore me completely. I was used to it. I didn't like it, but I was used to it.

I made my first diagnosis when I was thirteen, and Father was examining a patient with very obvious symptoms. But, he asked my opinion, though now I know that he had already made up his mind. I told him it was chicken pox, and he made me feel important and made such a show of his pride. I loved him with all of my heart, and I always told him that when I grew up, I wanted to marry a man just like him. Father said to think before I spoke, because he really was a stubborn old man, though he had a soft spot for me. He wanted me to marry someone who wouldn't let my ambitions come between us; someone who could accept me for who I was and support my goals and wishes.

Father made me feel worthwhile, while the girls my sisters knew made fun of me; laughed at my boldness and my odd choices of activities after my lessons. While they were learning how to be proper ladies, I was doing that and then some. I spent hours upon hours at my father's side at the hospital, and by the time I was sixteen, I knew in my heart that I was supposed to be a doctor. Father even told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be. Michaela "Mike" Quinn would let no man stand in her way. Sometimes I hated him for giving me that advice, and other times I understood why he did it. He knew I wasn't cut from the same cloth as the women who only wanted to marry into money and give birth to children that would only grow old and leave them for better parts of the world.

After my schooling was complete, including college, I went on to medical school, much to Mother's dismay. I went, because I felt that it was my destiny. Each night, I dreamed that I would become a doctor, and I would make a difference in somebody's life. I didn't care if it was a thousand people, a hundred people or just one person. I wanted to make a difference in any way that I could, and I just knew that I could do that if I followed my heart and did what I knew I could do.

In medical school, I met a man who would ultimately change my life forever. David Lewis. He was tall, handsome and had an incredible smile. All of the nurses on our rounds swooned in his presence, and I wasn't taken with him at all. But, as I grew to know him and see the goodness in his heart, I began to fall. It was something I had never experienced before. I had always thought that I could be content to be a doctor and nothing else. I had never paid attention to boys, nor had they to me, because my nose was always buried in a book. My mother always told me I was beautiful, but the young men couldn't see my face, because my books hindered their sight. But, David was different. He made me feel confident in what I did, and he made me think about the future, marriage and children.

Father saw the sparkle in my eyes before I did, and I couldn't believe I had started to fall in love. I had never expected it, but it had happened, and before I knew it, we were courting. We made our rounds together, and we graduated together. For a year, we continued to court after we graduated. I joined Father's practice, and David worked at the hospital as well. He stood by my side when the other doctors looked down at me, and I knew I could handle them myself. But, having David there was wonderful.

The night he proposed was the first romantic night of my young life. He actually handpicked two-dozen roses, and he came to my door practically needing stitches. His hands were scratched, but his eyes were full of love. I don't even recall him asking me the question, but I remember saying yes and him slipping the ring on my finger. I had never been happier. God, we were going to be married! That was the night of our first kiss; my first kiss ever.

I remember I nearly fell into him. I was clumsy, not at all the proper girl I was instructed to be. My arms wrapped around his neck, as his lips brushed over mine, and I nearly knocked him over, because I was so nervous. He chuckled against my lips and pulled away, and we stared at one another for the longest moment. I was amazed at how happy one man could make me feel, though in my heart, I knew something was missing. Something wasn't quite right. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that I loved him, and that was what was supposed to matter. I let myself believe that my reservations would disappear in time.

Before I knew it, David was breaking my heart and leaving for the war. The war? He only gave us two days notice, and I had never been so afraid. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't let him see my tears, because I had to believe that he would come back for me. He swore he would, and I truly believed him. I waited for him, overworking myself at the hospital, waiting for word from him. Word came soon enough, and my worst nightmares had come true. David was dead, and I was alone. I had grown accustomed to the idea of marriage, and knowing that the man I was supposed to marry was dead made me feel as if I was being punished. Was God punishing me for being a woman and a doctor at the same time? Was he taking away the man I loved, because I dared to be different?

Mother held me in her arms that night, and I felt like a little girl catching up on all of the years we had missed to bond. Father had been my rock, and it just so happened that he was working late the night I received the news. Mother was the only one there; all of my sisters were home with their families. They hadn't wasted time, and here I was. Mother told me that everything happened for a reason, and her next piece of advice was to get back out there and find a proper husband. She didn't understand. Whether or not she had been in love when she married didn't matter. Love was what I wanted, and it was what I had with David. I didn't think I could ever find it again.

For the next few years, I focused on working with Father, whose failing health didn't go unnoticed, and shortly after my twenty-fifth birthday, he passed away, and I was left with nothing and nobody. My sisters tried to be there, but I was inconsolable. I had lost my Father, my mentor and my best friend. Mother tried to understand, but she would never be able to understand the bond I had with my father.

After he died, I began to write my innermost thoughts into a journal, writing every time I missed him or felt sad. Our practice dwindled, and Mother begged me to reconsider my lifestyle and give up the idea of ever being a doctor. I couldn't. It was what Father had been so proud of me for. It was what made me feel like I belonged in the world. I was a doctor, and there was no changing that. I cared too much about people to give it up, and I was grateful for the advertisement that I came across, when I thought all hope was lost. I had found the light at the end of my darkened tunnel.

A small town in the Colorado Territory needed a doctor. They were patients without a doctor, and I was a doctor without patients. It was perfect! It was everything I could have asked for! Mother, of course, begged me to reconsider, but I had my mind made up. I was going! So, I went.

I left for Colorado Springs not even a week after receiving the advertisement. I was pushing twenty-seven, and in my mother's eyes, I was an old maid already. It was 1866, and I was ready for the next ten years, twenty years…I was on top of the world. Yes, I was afraid of what I would find when I arrived, but I was happy to be breaking free from Boston and doing something with my life as I had always dreamed.

The journey lasted close to two weeks, and I wrote and thought the entire time. My mind was full of wonder, as the land changed drastically from Boston to Colorado. It was amazing to me how one piece of land could look so different, as I journeyed across it.

By the time I reached Colorado Springs, the rainy season was here, and I had to watch my step. My Boston attire was completely out of place, and the mud stained the edges of my skirts. I was grateful that the town was so welcoming of a doctor, though they were not expecting me. They had expected a male, and I certainly wasn't that! But, I was accepted as the doctor nevertheless, because they had no other choice. I was the one and only response they had received over the course of six months. I suppose they merely had to settle for my services. There were a few who were stubborn enough to resist my presence for a while.

The clinic I purchased was an old boarding house that Charlotte Cooper had once owned. She had her own home now, built out away from town. She lived there with her little ones, and when she wasn't running after the young ones, she spent her time helping her husband tend the farm. She had no time to run a boarding house anymore.

I made myself at home, and the ladies in town tried to make me welcome, which they did, when their husbands weren't pulling them away. For the most part, everyone tolerated me. Reverend Johnson probably felt obligated to be polite, because he was an upstanding citizen. Loren Bray was a bitter old widower, though something about him was soft, and it made me think of him as a father figure, even though he didn't exactly appreciate my presence in the town. Grace, the owner of Grace's Café, was the first of the women to come to me, and then Loren's sister-in-law Dorothy came to me.

I finally met Charlotte, a wonderful woman, when she came into town to meet the new doctor. She carried two babies on her hip, a boy named Brian, and his twin brother Johnny. She had a young son named Matthew, and an even younger daughter named Colleen. They were beautiful children, but certainly a handful! She made me feel very welcome, and we became friends rather quickly. I invited her entire family for dinner, and thank God she helped me cook. I decided shortly thereafter that I would be dining at Grace's until I learned how to bake. Her husband, however, didn't come into town. It wasn't until a few weeks later that I actually met him, and he seemed kind enough, but there was something past his eyes. He seemed distant and trying to focus. It was as if he was waiting for something; for an opportunity to break free.

A month after I arrived, I met a man that I had heard the townsfolk speaking of often. His name was Byron Sully, and he lived with his two children Hanna and Adam outside of town. I only met him by chance. I was walking toward the church to speak with the Reverend, and Mr. Sully, as I knew him, was walking with a child in each arm. They were twins, obviously. Both had dark hair and light skin. Their eyes were bright blue, which I realized when I got closer. But my eyes quickly sank into his. They were crystal clear and blue at the same time. I felt my skin tingle with unfamiliar sensations the first moment he opened his mouth to speak.

"Ya must be the new doctor," he said quietly as the little girl began to fuss. He put them both down, and a large gray wolf sniffed their knees, making sure all was well. The children were old enough to walk around, and they did so with great ease. I suspected they were just over a year old.

I didn't know what to say, and I ended up saying something to confirm his suspicions, and he smiled at me. His smile, oh his smile made my knees quake, but I composed myself when the Reverend came to greet us. He introduced us, and I quickly learned that Sully had been married to Loren Bray's daughter, and she had died in childbirth. Charlotte had done all she could, and they had nearly lost the babies too. But, by some miracle, the twins had survived, and now Sully took care of them by himself somewhere outside of town.

Sully was kind to me, and he even waited to speak to me until I was finished with the Reverend. I was explaining my absence at the last church service, and thankfully, Reverend Johnson was very kind, though I had heard the barkeeper jokingly refer to me as the "devil woman," because I didn't attend the last service. He didn't have any room to talk, considering the business he ran and the fact that he didn't attend services at all.

When I returned to speak with Sully, he had already scooped the children back up into his arms, and he was speaking with them. I couldn't help but smile, when I saw how wonderful he was with them. It made my heart ache a little for David. I had wanted children so badly after I realized how much I wanted to be married, and with David gone, I wasn't sure I would ever get the chance to be a wife and a mother, as well as a doctor.

With great hesitation, Sully explained how Abagail had given birth in the building that was now my clinic. He had brought her into town in the middle of the night, and Charlotte had done everything, but Abagail had died. I told him I was sorry, and I saw the pain in his eyes, but he told me that his Cheyenne brother Cloud Dancing explained that Abagail was with the Spirits. Though I didn't understand it yet, I knew that meant she was at peace. I found it fascinating how he could bring himself to talk about his departed wife, when I found myself troubled by the mere thought of speaking David's name. I wasn't sure if it was our upbringing or the fact that some things were harder for me to accept. I knew David was gone and hadn't come back. I was sure that Mr. Sully knew the same of his late wife. Maybe the fact that the children were involved had something to do with it. Maybe he didn't want to let them forget their mother, even though they had never met her.

I asked him if he wanted to come in, and he said that he needed to take the children to Loren's. Though Loren didn't think much of him, he still spent time with his grandchildren. He couldn't deny them their grandfather, and he and Loren had come to an understanding that they would never speak ill of one another in front of the children. Abagail would have wanted it that way.

When he walked away, little Hanna looked back at me with a smile as beautiful as her father's, and it broke my heart. She didn't have a mother, and the only woman in her life was Dorothy, who was so busy with her writing that she barely had time to spend with them. She tried though. She certainly tried.

As I watched Sully, his children and the big wolf walk away from the clinic, something stirred inside of me, and I knew that this was just the beginning of the rest of my life.


	2. Chapter 2: 1867

January 1867

The winter was cold and biting, and I quickly learned how to keep the woodstove full and burning all night, and on those frigid nights, I curled up on the floor of the back room, pitiful and shivering, but it was much better than listening to my mother scream for Harrison to keep her fire stoked all night. That poor butler certainly got his daily workout in his old age. He was up and down those stairs at least six times a night after Father passed on.

I didn't see much of Sully, though I often saw Loren strolling with Dorothy and the twins. There was such a distance between Loren and his sister-in-law, but at the same time, an undeniable closeness gave them the look of being happy and content just the way their lives were going.

Sometimes I saw the Cooper family on days other than Sundays. It was then that I realized that Sully didn't attend church, though he let Loren take the twins, because Abagail would have wanted it that way. It seemed that a lot of the things these two did was on behalf of what Sully's wife would have wanted. I'd heard that Loren's guilt for turning his back on Abagail's marriage to Sully's prompted him to be a good grandfather and think about what Abagail would have wanted, while at the same time respecting what Sully wanted for the children, because Abagail had loved him too.

While I was learning more and more about the people who surrounded me, my patients came few and far between, and the barkeeper across the street continued to make up his little nicknames for me, including "doc," though he really loved to call me Michaela and make my skin crawl. The sad thing was that he could be kind when he wanted to be. I had seen him tip his hat to Dorothy one day. Why couldn't he be kind all of the time? I supposed that that just wasn't Hank. Kind wasn't in his vocabulary.

Throughout the first month of the new year, I acquired a horse and learned how to ride quickly on my own, and I tried to meet new patients out of town, though it was hard to trudge through the snow. There were some people in need of a doctor, though they could only pay me with chickens or week-old hams. But, I couldn't give up. Winter was a harsh month, and everyone was low on money. I had my own money, but it was tucked away in case of emergencies. I was thankful that Father had raised me with enough sense to know when to save and when to spend.

It was the middle of the month when I finally saw Sully again. He was picking the children up from Loren's, and I finally had the courage to ask him what he did all day. He was kind, and I invited him in. I thought that perhaps he wouldn't want to come into the place where his wife died, but he was grateful, and he accepted my offer of a hot cup of coffee, while the children played together on the floor. He smiled proudly at them, but his eyes turned to me, and I felt my entire body become warm, as I poured him a hot cup. It was then that he began to explain how he went to the Cheyenne reservation and helped his family find food through the tough winter months.

Much to my surprise, we talked and talked about various things, and I even took the chance to tell him about David, since he had told me about Abagail. He hadn't talked much about her, but I felt that if he could tell me even a little about the wife he lost, I could tell him about the fiancé that I lost too. I thought that if a man who had loved this woman, created children with her and lost her in such a short period of time could talk about her, I could certainly talk about a man that I was merely engaged to. And, by the end of that conversation, I felt better...almost resolved.

Before we knew it, two hours had gone by, and the children were lying on the floor next to wolf. Sully apologized for drinking half of my pot of coffee, but I assured him that I didn't mind the company, and I couldn't have drunk it all by myself anyway. When he left, Hank's eyes were on us, and I saw a smirk crawl across his lips. A few of the men next to him made a few suggestive whistles, but I ignored it. Sully and I barely knew each other. How dare they make such presumptions about us?

But, I was quickly beginning to learn that a lot of the men in Colorado Springs didn't know a thing about propriety, and they were assuming preposterous things based on their own experiences and thoughts. Sully was a gentleman, at least, and I realized that he didn't care for the way those men carried on either.

My nights had previously been full of thoughts of David and the future we would have had together, but I soon came to realize that Sully was creeping into my dreams, stealing my thoughts away from David from time to time. I felt guilty, because David had been the one I had promised myself too. How could I be thinking of another man, while the one I was going to vow to love for better or worse was dead?

I tried to force myself to dream of David, but it wasn't long before I realized that it wasn't fair to myself or his memory to do such things, and I surrendered to the dreams that my subconscious brought to me, and I tried not to flush whenever Sully came around. After our two-hour talk, I noticed him coming around town much more frequently.

February 1867

On my twenty-seventh birthday, I curled up by the wood stove, lit a couple of lanterns and began to write in my journal about all of my experiences since I had arrived on the soil of the Colorado Territory. I hadn't written in it since shortly after my father died, and that seemed like so long ago to me. I hadn't told anyone of my birthday, and I was content to spend it alone, though thoughts of David entered my mind, making me miss the way if felt for him to hold me in his arms. He had been so tender, so loving, and my heart ached, missing the way he told me he loved me. My lips tingled, thinking of our first kiss.

I was surprised when a knock came to my door. A patient? At this hour? I looked at the clock, and it was nearing nine o'clock. But, I pulled my shawl around my shoulders and hurried out of the back room and toward the front entrance. I was shocked, when I saw Sully standing there with the children wrapped up in his arms. Our eyes met, and I ushered him in out of the blizzard. I asked him what was wrong, and he said that Adam had a fever. I saw the boy's very rosy cheeks, and I frowned, pulling him into my arms as if he was my own son. Sully put Hanna down, and he hurried about, lighting oil lamps so I could see.

For two tireless hours, I worked to bring young Adam's fever down, and Hanna fussed the entire time, though Sully tried desperately to console her. Thankfully, Adam pulled through, and he was feeling better in no time. However, the blizzard outside prevented Sully from going anywhere, so I assured him he could stay upstairs in one of the empty rooms with the children. I carried Adam into the back room, so he could sit near the stove to get a little warmer. Sully carried Hanna in, and he saw my journal near a lamp. I quickly moved to close it, and I poured a glass of milk for each of the children, trying not to think about anything in particular.

As the children drank, my eyes avoided his, because every time I stared into his eyes, my heart skipped a beat, and I really didn't think I could take much more of it on this night. My hands fumbled with my journal, and it dropped to the floor. He bent down to pick it up for me, and as luck would have it, it was turned to today's page, the page I had announced my birthday on. He smiled, and I flushed, and I turned toward the fire to make him think I was merely red from the warmth of the stove.

He wished me a happy birthday, and with great courage, I turned to face him. I thanked him quietly, and little Hanna spilled her milk. I was grateful for the distraction. Even though it took both of us to clean up the mess in a very small amount of time, I was sure that Sully had forgotten about my birthday. But it wasn't long before he asked me if I always curl up with my journal on my birthday, and I merely responded with a weak statement along the lines of "only sometimes." After a little while, my stomach stopped twisting itself into knots, and I was able to have a normal conversation with Sully, though the children kept interrupting wanting Sully to tell them stories.

Eventually, Sully and the children went up to bed, and I stayed up a little while longer to write in my journal. By the time midnight rolled around, I was retiring to another of the rooms to get a good night's sleep. Though, I found it more difficult than usual. With him sleeping in the next room, I couldn't help but think of him and wonder if he was thinking of me too. Then I decided that it was absurd. His wife had died a year ago. He couldn't possibly have been thinking about me.

I woke the next morning to the sound of laughter downstairs, and I quickly dressed. When I arrived downstairs, Sully was sitting with the children, and breakfast was on the stove. I was shocked, but I didn't question it, because I hadn't had a good home-cooked breakfast in a long time. He explained that the snow was so deep that it might be another day before they could get out. I couldn't help but feel a little grateful that I wasn't alone for this, and I happily accepted a breakfast plate, as Hanna and Adam played with their own food.

We ate in silence, and I made note of how well Adam was looking. Sully explained that the boy seemed to bounce back quickly after being ill, and I was happy. I loved listening to Sully talk anyway. His voice seemed to speak right to my soul. It was deep and rich and full of so much knowledge of nature and life, yet couldn't have been much older than me, if he was older than me at all. I found myself feeling envious of him.

Hanna spilled her milk again, and Sully and I couldn't help but laugh. I immediately took the girl to get cleaned up without even thinking, and she grinned, pointing at me and saying something that sounded like "ma." I only hoped that Sully hadn't heard, and when I heard him laugh with Adam in the other room, I breathed a sigh of relief.

The rest of the day went on with games for the children's amusement, and Sully kept an eye on the window. Nothing was going on. It was practically a ghost town, filled to the brim with snow. Sully asked me if I had plenty of food, and I promised that I had enough for at least two weeks. I was surprised when he seemed relieved about that. Maybe it would be longer than a day, and I felt selfish for actually looking forward to spending time alone with Sully and his beautiful children.

Sometimes I could feel him looking at me, but my head told me that it was impossible. He was still grieving, and I was supposed to be loyal to David. But, my heart told me that David was dead, and it was time to move on. Sully would move on too, and we could help one another. My stomach was feeling the brunt of the battle, and I felt ill, because I was nervous and afraid at the same time.

The children napped periodically, and Sully and I talked about many different things, as usual. He told me about Cloud Dancing, the Cheyenne medicine man, and he expressed a wish for me to meet him. I was intrigued, and the more I learned about the Cheyenne people, the more I wanted to meet them and discover them for myself.

We only ended up being trapped in the clinic together for another day, but it was an amazing experience. Sully and I learned so much about one another, and I even got him to laugh and play along when I sang songs with the children. For a little while, I had the family I had decided I wanted. I knew he wouldn't say it, but it had started to feel like a family to him too. We smiled at one another over little things, and we had adapted to our temporary situation. It felt comfortable, and I think that scared us both. Part of me was ready, and another part was not. I still didn't know if he was.

A week later, the blizzard snow had almost melted away, and I was busy with a few patients who had caught chills during the storm. There were no major cases, but I was grateful for their attempts to make me feel like I still had a career.

June 1867

I was absolutely amazed at how quickly things had changed. I had enough patients to make an appointment book, and I had created several strong friendships with Charlotte Cooper, Dorothy Jennings and Grace Smith. Her husband, Robert E. was also very dear to me. Loren Bray was beginning to get used to my presence, and he didn't scowl every time I spoke up at a town council meeting. Yes, I was a member now, because the town charter said that if there was a town doctor, they must be a member of the council in case of a medical crisis or epidemic. Of course, Hank and Mr. Slicker weren't too happy about the decision, but the charter never specified the sex of the doctor, though they made the argument that women weren't supposed to be doctors. Anyway, I became a member of the council, and the women came to me with their opinions, since the men wouldn't listen to them. It was up to me to make the men see, and that was a big job for one woman, but I managed.

Sully was almost a constant figure at my tiny dinner table in the back of the clinic. He and the children visited regularly, though I think they were all lonely for company. I was just as lonely, and I think Sully knew that, but we never spoke about it. After all, it wasn't proper.

On one particularly warm evening, I was sweeping the dust off of the porch, when the children came rushing up, running around my skirt and tackling my legs. I was caught off guard, but Hanna's squeals made me smile, and I scooped them both up into my arms. Sully came walking up, Wolf at his heels, and he asked me if I wanted to do something different for dinner. Different? It was then that he invited me for supper at his homestead. Then, I realized that I had never been to his home before. I wanted to go, but I had never gotten the chance between caring for my patients and visiting the reservation to treat those who could not be saved by Cheyenne medicine.

So, I accepted his invitation, and we walked to his wagon, where he helped me into the front, handed me the children and climbed up beside me. Wolf leapt into the back of the wagon, and we drove off. I could feel the town's eyes on me as we departed, and I knew what they were thinking. We looked the part of a family. We were comfortable together, and we were friendly. My own feelings for Sully grew by the day, it seemed, and my love for David still remained a large part of myself, but he was the past. I had to move on. I only hoped that the townspeople could keep their noses out of my business long enough for me to figure out what I wanted.

When we arrived, I saw a small, humble homestead that stood next to a barn. Several wooden carvings were lined up on the porch, and Adam squealed when he saw them. Sully helped us down, and Adam rushed to play with his toys. Sully explained how Adam liked them so much, so he kept making them. He had an entire trunk full in the barn. I was amazed, and I sat out on the porch with the children, while Sully went in to prepare a chicken. I was still amazed. The home looked well kept, and he did all of the cooking. He wasn't like most men I had met, and he had become quite a wonderful homemaker. Of course, I would never tell him that. I knew he had his pride, and being called a homemaker probably wasn't the first thing he wanted to hear.

Dinner was quiet, though the children made a mess of themselves. I helped him clean up both the table and the children, and by the time it was time to go back into town, the children were tired. I offered to walk myself back, but he loaded us all into the wagon and escorted me right to the door of the clinic. He told me he appreciated my coming out, because the children loved spending time with me. I wondered if it was hesitation I sensed in his voice when he told me, but I told him it was a lovely evening, and we left it at that. Needless to say, my dreams were full that night.

Several days later, Loren came knocking at my door. I was surprised, because he hadn't stepped foot inside of that building as long as I had been in town, and I knew the reason as plain as anyone else. But, he came in that day, and he told me that he appreciated my spending time with Adam and Hanna. He was calm and quiet, and he said that his daughter would have appreciated Sully finding a lady to spend time with them. I felt uncomfortable, however, because it felt like Loren assumed that Sully and I were something other than friends. I explained to him that I enjoyed spending time with his grandchildren, and that Sully was a wonderful man, and I emphasized the fact that he was also just a wonderful friend.

I couldn't be sure, but I felt like Loren softened just a little toward Sully then. Loren then explained that the children were turning two in a week, and I couldn't believe it. It would be two years since the death of Sully's wife, and I knew it would be a bittersweet birthday celebration. He told me that he wanted me to come. I asked if Sully would be there, and Loren explained how Sully preferred to celebrate the children's birthdays at home and away from the town. It was fortunate for the children to have two parties, but it was sad that their own father didn't feel comfortable about celebrating alongside Loren. I felt that above everything else, they could have agreed to attend a party together.

Of course, I had to do something about, so I saddled up my beautiful horse, Flash, and I hurried off toward the Sully homestead. The children were napping, for which I was thankful, and Sully was working in the barn. He was surprised to see me, and I told him I had just spoken with Loren. He looked away and continued on with his chores. But, I persisted, and I told him that I thought he should go to the party for the children in town. He proceeded to tell me that it was Loren's time with them, and that he would have his own. I then responded with a very forward suggestion that he move on and stop living in the past. I felt guilty; I could tell that something stirred inside of him. He didn't speak any longer, and I told him I was sorry, but that these were precious years in his children's lives, and he needed to be there. With that, I left, not sure if he would ever speak to me again after that day. I had probably overstepped my boundaries, but I had said my part, and I only hoped that Sully would do something about it.

The day of the children's birthday party, Loren and Dorothy were setting up at the café, waiting for Sully to bring the children into town. I hoped he would stay, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. So, I helped everyone set up, and I felt even more like a part of the town. It was amazing how everyone gathered to celebrate the lives of these two little babies, but I knew that Abagail had impacted a lot of their lives before I came along. They couldn't deny her children a happy celebration on this very grim anniversary.

The Cooper family arrived, and Mr. Cooper was in high spirits, carrying Matthew on his back. I wondered how Charlotte could keep up with four children under the ages of five, but she did it somehow! We all sat around several large tables and waited for the birthday boy and girl. It seemed like we waited forever, but their delightful giggles soon filled the café, when Sully brought them in. He looked handsome in a clean shirt and a newly shaved face. Our eyes met as he placed them down in their little seats, and I swear he smiled just a little. I couldn't take my eyes off of his, and my heart leapt with joy when he took a seat. The townsfolk were stunned, but they didn't dare say a word that might make him change his mind. This was comfortable, and though they were worried about how Loren would react, they were happily surprised when he reached over to shake Sully's hand. I watched, my eyes brimming with tears, when Sully shook Loren's hand awkwardly. It wasn't the end of this painful feud, but it was a beginning to the end. My heart leapt, and I hoped that things would only get better with time.

That evening, Sully and the children followed me to the clinic. I had presents waiting for them; cookies that I had baked. They turned out surprisingly delicious, and the children ate every one of them. Sully reached for my hand and led me into the front room, while the children giggled and spoke in their twin talk to one another. I looked up into his eyes, my own full of questions. He leaned down and softly kissed my cheek and whispered thank you. He told me he wasn't angry, and that I had opened his eyes. He said that nobody had ever done that before, and he was grateful. I was speechless, and I only smiled, a red tinge rising to my cheeks.

We didn't speak anymore that night. He was speechless too, and I think he was embarrassed that he had kissed my cheek. But, I didn't mind. Feeling him so close had made my heart pound harder than it had ever pounded before…even with David. That made me feel guilty, but I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't feel guilty for feeling this way. I was supposed to let go of the past.

September 1867

Over the next few months, our friendship blossomed, and we had a sort of silent courtship. We hadn't expressed our feelings to one another, though I was certain he felt the same about me as I felt toward him. We were both scared, and neither one of us was sure how to take the next step. The townspeople saw it, we saw it, but we were the ones who couldn't admit it just yet. He took me around, introducing me to people outside of town that might consider me to treat their ailments, and we sometimes picnicked by Willow or Snow Creek with the children, enjoying the beginning of Autumn.

The children clung to me when I was around, and Dorothy made the comment as to how they looked up to me like a mother. That thought didn't scare me, though it made my heart long for a family of my own. These children were precious to me, and I loved them as if they were my own. I often wondered if Sully realized it or thought about it.

Adam and Hanna played with the Cooper children regularly. When I wasn't busy, and Sully was at the reservation, I would take the children with me and Charlotte to gather herbs and other things, and she would bring her own children. It was amazing how maternal I felt when Adam would fall and scrape his knee. I would wish that it had happened to me just to take the hurt away from him.

It was in late September, when the leaves began to fall from the trees, that Sully asked me to join him on a picnic. Thinking we would be eating with the children as usual, I accepted, and we strolled across the meadow to a picnic blanket. Everything was set out, and nothing was missing except…the children. I looked at him, speechless, and I saw the color drain from his face. He was nervous, and he clumsily helped me sit down. He poured us glasses of lemonade, and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. What was this about? I wanted to know, but I didn't dare ask.

Then, he pulled something from under the blanket, and I stared at it for a moment. It was a flat board with beautiful golden letters carved and painted into it. It said: Michaela Quinn M.D. And underneath, Medicine Woman was carved into it. I looked up into his eyes, and he told me that Chief Black Kettle had given me the name, when I brought vaccinations to the Cheyenne children. I was speechless, and I felt the tears forming, but I didn't cry. I was too happy and too shocked to cry.

Then we ate. We didn't speak, and the silence was growing intense. I needed to speak, or I needed him to speak. Either way, the silence was becoming bothersome. But, when he swallowed his last gulp of lemonade, he finally looked up at me. He thanked me for being there for Hanna and Adam. I wanted to speak, but he wasn't finished. He thanked me for being a friend to him and to the children, and he told me that having me in his life had made things bright again.

My heart was beating a mile a minute, and when he told me that feelings were hard for him to talk about, I knew what was coming. I reached over to touch his hand, and his eyes sparkled in the sun. We were scared, but we were moving on. I told him he didn't need to say anything, because I knew how he was feeling. I was feeling it too. Then it happened. It was like a force of nature that brought us together. Hands met hands, lips met lips and hearts met hearts. I couldn't believe it. My first kiss with Sully felt like I was learning how to kiss for the very first time. It wasn't like it was with David. It was sweet and loving, yes, but something about him made me want it even more, and we drew one another in, being cautious but eager at the same time. I didn't feel clumsy or foolish at all. I felt alive.

His tongue traced along the outline of my lower lip, and I gasped in surprise but opened up to him. His hands moved to cup my face, and mine rested on his chest as the air around us grew cooler. We didn't notice right away, but when the wind picked up, we pulled back and stared at one another, shocked, happy, scared and nervous all at the same time. I wasn't sure about him, but I felt like a schoolgirl, waiting for the first boy she ever kissed to say something, anything to break the silence. When he didn't, I did. I told him it was getting late, and I stood to help him pick up the picnic items. His hand enclosed over mine, when I moved to pick up the basket, and our eyes met again. He apologized, and I told him he had nothing to apologize for. I hoped he realized I wanted that kiss just as much or even more than he did. I'd never say that, but it was true!

Together, we picked up the picnic items and carried them back to town. Hanna and Adam were playing on the porch of the mercantile, and Sully and I stood nearby, watching Loren play and laugh with them. He was obviously soft at heart when it came to family, and it warmed my heart to see such a sight.

I retired to the clinic, and Sully went to pick up the children, and I watched them from a dusty window. Sully was still awkward around Loren, and the same went for the older man, but when it came to the children, nothing else mattered. I noticed them exchanging words, and when Loren looked toward the clinic, I ducked behind the curtains, not wanting to be seen. But I couldn't stop the smile and the flush that spread across my face, as I realized that they were talking about me. Judging by the recognizable flush I could see on Sully's cheeks from all the way over here, it was obviously a good conversation.

Halloween 1867

I dressed up as a witch this year, wearing all black and topping my head off with a pointed hat. I didn't feel much in the spirit of Halloween, however, and I didn't even feel like a witch. I felt more like Cinderella or another princess from the fairy tales. Sully had promised to take the children into town for the party, and I had helped Dorothy make their little costumes. Hanna and Adam were both little angels, literally! We made them matching pairs of wings and little halos to wear around their heads. Charlotte's children came in dressed as Indians, and of course, little Colleen was an Indian princess who couldn't be reasoned with.

I sat holding Hanna in my lap, and she slept with her head resting against my chest, her belly full of sugar cookies and apple cider. I watched as Sully carried Adam around, and the little boy pointed at all of the costumes, crying at some and laughing at others. Watching the children enjoying themselves made me smile, and as I smiled, I caught Sully's gaze. He moved toward me, and he reached for my hand. I didn't know what to expect next, but I took it, and we walked away from the party, a child in each of our arms. Adam's arms encircled his father's neck, and Hanna woke, clinging to my side as she rode on my hip.

We walked a ways, and we finally stopped on the bridge that connected the churchyard to the town road. Hanna and Adam looked down into the water and thought it would be funny to see if they could spit and make the water ripple. That kept them entertained, as Sully and I stood quietly on the bridge, our hands still joined. Finally, he took my other hand in his free one, and I turned completely toward him, looking up into his eyes.

Without words, he pulled me close, and I didn't feel uncomfortable. My eyes grew blurry, but I didn't care. I closed them as he moved closer, encircling his arms around my waist, whispering something in Cheyenne that I couldn't understand. But, it was beautiful, and I repeated it in a bashful whisper, not knowing what it was. Nemehotâtse. I didn't dare ask what it meant, but it felt right. And, my lips met his, gently at first but growing more eager. We pulled each other closer, filling the silent air with longing kisses.

We broke apart at the sound of Hanna and Adam's giggling. They were looking up at us, their little fingers pointed, and they made kissing faces. Sully and I couldn't help but laugh. I took Adam, and he took Hanna, and we started back toward town, hand in hand. Then, we were family.

Christmas 1867

I had been in Colorado Springs for well over a year, and in some ways, I still felt like a stranger. But, I loved this place and called it home. It felt even more like home right now. I was seated at the table of the Sully homestead. The children were getting ready to sleep after playing with their new gifts. There weren't many from Sully, but they were all handmade and straight from the heart. I had knitted them each scarves and mittens for playing in the snow with, and Sully had greatly appreciated it. Hanna's old scarf was full of holes, and Adam had let Wolf devour one of his mittens, so the new garments were needed.

I had my horse stabled in Sully's barn, and I was going to go back to town on my own. He didn't want me riding alone, but I had done it plenty before. So, I was waiting for him to tuck the children in before saying goodbye. I watched him with them, telling them stories and even making the noises when they demanded it.

Sully finally got them put to sleep, and he helped me with my coat. We moved onto the porch, and the snow was falling down and sparkling in the moonlight. Sully told me I looked like a Christmas Angel, and I laughed, telling him he had been reading the children too many stories. He told me he was being honest. It was then that I realized he was trembling, and it wasn't just from the cold. His hands sought mine, and in the cold night air, we held each other, embracing one another and feeling the warmth of each other's arms. When I pulled back, he kissed me softly, and it was a kiss like I had never felt before. I opened myself up to him, and we explored one another, feeling our hearts joining as one.

When he finally pulled back, I searched his eyes, and he cleared his throat. I'll never forget the words he said to me.

"Michaela, I ain't never felt this way before…not even with Abagail. I loved her, but there's somethin' inside of ya that brings so much light into my life. I need ya to know it before ya give up on me." I could never give up on him. "Nemehotâtse. I love you, Michaela." My tears spilled over with realization, and they felt frozen in the night air, but my smile warmed them away. I breathed a sigh or relief, and I answered him with a kiss. When I pulled back, my forehead rested against his.

"I love you too."

I left that night with a full heart, so full I thought it my burst. But I was happy, and I don't think that smile ever truly went away that evening. His words echoed and shattered in the air, filling me, surrounding me and protecting me from the cold of the night.


	3. Chapter 3: 1868

February 1868

The children were staying with Loren on the night of my twenty-eighth birthday, and Sully and I had had a romantic dinner at the clinic, enjoying each other's company in our comfortably happy courtship. He had been kind and gentle with me, and I knew he was the one. Whatever it was I felt was missing in my relationship with David wasn't missing here. My heart felt complete with him, and I knew that our love was something special.

On this night, he was on edge but very gentlemanly. I sipped coffee after dinner, and we sat in silence. He seemed to be thinking hard about something, and it made me want to giggle, but I didn't. I didn't want whatever he had to say to be taken lightly. It was obviously important, and my heart was bursting with anticipation. I finally asked him what was wrong, and he told me he was fine. He needed a breath of fresh air. I told him I would wait, and he asked me to walk with him. I didn't think anything of it, and he helped me with my shawl. We walked arm in arm away from the clinic, snow edging up the hem of my skirt. As we walked, he seemed to loosen up, and we talked about how clear the stars were. We talked about everything and nothing, and it was magical.

After a while, we paused to talk, and the cold didn't seem to matter, because the night was ours, and we were enclosed in this…this feeling. He was still nervous, and it almost seemed like he wasn't speaking. He was so quiet. He was so soft and sweet, and I wanted to hold him. We pulled each other into a soft embrace, leaning into one another and feeling the beating of each other's hearts. It wasn't long before his hands rested on my shoulders and gently pushed me back. His lips met mine instantly, and we let our lips linger together for a moment. When he finally pulled back, I smiled at him, telling him that this was the best birthday I had ever had. My heart was full on wonder and the need to know the secrets of his heart at that moment. There was still so much I didn't know, yet I felt like I knew him more than anyone.

When his smile faded, I wondered if I had said something wrong, but his eyes were still shimmering with happiness. He tucked his hands into his pocket, and he pulled something out. I couldn't see it in the dark of night, but when he opened it up, the diamond shimmered under the moon and starlight. I know I gasped, because his face grew worried. But, he got down on one knee, something I never thought I would see Byron Sully do, especially in the snow, and he asked for my hand in marriage. I could have fallen dead right then and have died happy.

He slipped the ring onto my finger after I said yes. I didn't hear myself say it, but it's what I wanted. We were going to be married. I was going to be a wife, just like my mother wanted. Perhaps I wouldn't be a complete disappointment in her eyes anymore, but I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that I was the happiest woman in the country at that very moment. We sealed our engagement with a kiss, and we walked back to town to share the news.

March 1868

I'll never forget the day that our little family grew a little closer. I was watching the children, while Sully was out at the reservation. Adam was being particularly fussy, and I had given him a dust cloth and told him to wipe off all of the dusty windowsills on the downstairs floor of the clinic. Hanna was helping me fold linens and towels, and the rain was coming down in sheets outside. That was March. It rained off and on mostly every day, and I knew that the children were beginning to feel cooped up indoors. They wanted out, and I wanted to take them out, but that was against my better judgment.

By the time the thunder was roaring, Adam had made his way back into the examination room. He dropped his dusting cloth to the floor and moved over toward me. The lightning flashed outside, and the candle-lit clinic lit up with a white flash. Adam screamed and wrapped his arms around my legs, and Hanna quickly scampered across the table and jumped into my arms, wrapping her little arms around my neck.

"Mama! Don't let the storm monster hurt us!" Hanna cried out. At that moment, my heart stopped and melted at the same time. "Mama!" She sobbed, and Adam began to repeat the word over and over again. "Mama! Mama! Mama!" His arms clutched my legs, and I knelt down, scooping him up into my arms. They both clung to me, as if they were trying not to fall, and I settled down at my desk with them, holding them close and softly singing a lullaby.

April 1868

By April, Adam and Hanna were calling me "mama" on a full-time basis, and Sully and I had discussed it. He wanted them to have a mother, and I was the only mother they had ever known. I was surprised that even Loren was pleased that everything was working out, though he and Sully still had a lot of tension between them.

I was feeling more and more like a mother everyday. Sully even let the children stay all night with me when I didn't have patients. I tucked them in and sang them songs, and sometimes, we all curled up in one bed and fell asleep, oblivious to the hour.

Sometimes, Sully would find us in the morning, and he wouldn't disturb us, but he would make us breakfast downstairs. From time to time, it felt like we were already married. The only problem was that we weren't, and if our kisses started to take us too far, we would have to remember that the wedding was still a month away. We knew it was sudden, but it was what we wanted. Mother, Rebecca and Marjorie were coming out for it, and I was amazed that Mother seemed pleased once I told her who I was marrying. Sully was the man of my dreams, yes, but not the man Mother would have chosen. But, she simply replied that she was happy that I had put my head back on my shoulders. Little did she know that I had no intention of quitting my practice or taking Sully's last name. We had talked about it, and Sully told me that whatever I decided to do he would be fine with. He was a little disappointed that I didn't want to change my name, but it was something that meant a lot to me. I had several reasons behind it, and I told him that in my heart, I would be Michaela Sully.

I had taken the children to the café for lunch, and Sully was waiting at the clinic when we came back. Hanna ran up to him and jumped into his arms. I was amazed at how much she had grown. Her hair was long and dark, and it formed into natural ringlets on the ends. Adam's hair was becoming more like Sully's, and he was the spitting image of his father. I loved seeing the three of them together, and I couldn't wait until we were officially a family.

We greeted one another with a kiss, and Sully explained to me that he needed my help at the reservation. So, we piled into the wagon and rode off. The twins sat between us and practiced their words. They were speaking quite well now, and I knew that within a year, they would probably be talking enough to talk back to us when they were in trouble. But, it thrilled me to hear their little voices.

When we arrived at the reservation, Sully took the children to Cloud Dancing and Snow Bird's hut, and I was taken to Black Kettle. He was feverish, and the purple coneflowers hadn't worked. So, I administered Quinine to him, and I hoped it would break the fever. Hours passed, and by nightfall, the Cheyenne Chief was feeling better. It was too late to go back to town now, so Cloud Dancing and Sully set up a teepee for us to settle in for the night. I couldn't help but feel nervous about sleeping so close to Sully, but we would have the children between us.

When we crawled into the teepee, the children snuggled under the large fur blanket, and Sully and I scooted them closer together and crawled underneath on either side of them. I suddenly didn't know what to say. This wouldn't be the last time we slept so close, and soon, we would be sleeping even closer. I was anxious for our wedding night, and I hoped that the butterflies that I felt then would disappear before our special night came.

We couldn't see one another in the darkness now, but I felt his hand find mine, and sucked in a sharp breath. He gave it a squeeze, knowing I was scared, and he whispered goodnight to me. I hoarsely replied the same back to him, and we tried to fall asleep, our hands joined across the sleeping children between us. It was going to be an interesting night.

In the morning, a little sunlight filtered into our teepee, and Sully was still sleeping. I couldn't help but let my eyes roam over the shape of his muscular arms, the line of his jaw, and the contours of his lips. If only I could have leaned over and kissed him without waking the children…but no, that would have been inappropriate.

Hanna woke with a squeal, tugging on the braid I had pulled my hair into the night before. I let out a yelp, and Sully opened his eyes, sitting up quickly to see my predicament. He tried not to laugh, before he pried her fingers from my hair, but when the little one began to giggle, neither one of us could contain our laughter. Adam opened his eyes and rubbed them sleepily. I greeted him with a kiss to the forehead, and he gave me a big, strong hug that filled me with such happiness. I found it amazing how each word, each kiss and each hug these children could provide touched my soul in various ways. I couldn't imagine my life without them or without Sully. They were a part of me now, and they would be forever.

The next day, we had a late dinner at the clinic, courtesy of Charlotte, who had heard of us being at the reservation so long yesterday. Thanks to Charlotte's wonderful talents in the kitchen, everyone was full, and the children had already fallen asleep. I told Sully they could stay the night, because they were too sweet to wake up like this. So, we each carried a child upstairs to put down to bed. Once they were peacefully tucked in, we disappeared into the hallway. Sully explained that he should be going home. He had to be up early to work on the house. Our house. It was nearly finished, a beautiful two-story cabin with gorgeous landscaping. I couldn't wait until the next month when we'd move in.

Before he left, he pulled me close, kissing me softly, and I fell into the kiss, wrapping my arms around him and letting it go further. My back pressed against the wall momentarily, stunning me as his hands caressed my neck and my shoulders, and I shuddered against his body, wanting more but needing to stop. I needed self-control, so I dug deep inside of myself and forced myself away, smiling sheepishly at him, my cheeks flushing. We said our goodbyes, and I could barely wait to see him again.

May 1868

With Hanna acting as the flower girl, Adam as the ring bearer, and Charlotte as my Matron of Honor, Sully and I were married in a beautiful ceremony on May 20, 1868. Everyone in town was in attendance, including Hank, whom I heard whispering something along the lines of it being about time I got married, because I wasn't getting any younger. I could have done without that, but I couldn't have cared less, because it was my wedding day, my friends and family were there, and I was making my relationship to Sully official.

Mother, Marjorie and Rebecca had come all the way from Boston, and I had been so appreciative. I knew my relationship with my mother was strained, and I did the best I could to keep things light and simple, though mother was by no means a light and simple lady. But, thankfully, Mother didn't make the wedding as difficult for me as I had expected, and she seemed to warm up to Sully. I was pleased that everyone was getting along, and walking down the aisle was the proudest moment of my young life.

The day couldn't have been more wonderful, and though we didn't have a honeymoon planned, Charlotte and Ethan had promised to watch the children for a few days. Sully and I were secretly delighted, though we didn't want the children to think we didn't want them there. We loved them, but we needed a few days of privacy.

After we said our goodbyes and thank yous, and after we had taken my mother and sisters to the clinic to stay, the townsfolk threw flowers and rice as we rode away from town. My hands trembled in my lap as Sully led the borrowed carriage away. I couldn't think straight. All I could think about was that he was leading us to our house, our bedroom, our bed, our union.

When we arrived, I didn't know what I was doing. My mind was, at that moment, a blank slate, as he carried me over the threshold and closed the front door, shutting out the world, enclosing us inside for the next few days. Without words, we came together, pulling one another close gently, kissing away worries and reservations, though mine still tried to hold on for dear life. He felt me trembling, and I thought I might shatter into a million tiny pieces. I was afraid, I was worried of not pleasing him, and I was worried that whatever pleasure I was supposed to feel might only be pain. But, as he guided me to our room, and we began to disrobe in front of one another for the first time, my body began its natural reaction. I ached in a way I had never ached before, and it caused me to tremble even more.

He bent down to strike a match and start a fire in the hearth, and I quickly removed some of the pins from my hair, hoping it wouldn't look too much of a mess for him. But, when he turned back toward me, our desires for one another overshadowed everything else, and our passion combusted, as we helped each other out of our final garments.

I had never been this exposed to anyone but myself before, and feeling his eyes roaming over me caused me to flush with embarrassment, but he pulled me close and assured me that he thought I was beautiful.

Seeing him for the first time caused so many emotions to stir inside of me, and I wasn't sure if I could go through with it. But, he promised we would take it easy, and he would never do anything to hurt me. I trusted him with my body and my soul, and we made love that night, slowly, tenderly, and he never broke his vow; he never hurt me.

We spent the next few days wrapped in each other's embrace, exploring and discovering new parts of one another that we had never known before. I was tender and sore for a while, but he cared for me and made me so comfortable, and thinking about it brought tears to my eyes. How did I get so lucky as to have a man like Sully?  
I had always expected to have this experience with David, but I had never been able to picture us the way Sully and I had become. So many nights, I had dreamed of being with Sully, but nothing compared to the way it felt to love him and for him to love me.

The next few days were filled with exploration, romance and this magical feeling of being all alone in the world. But we were far from lonely. Sully told me stories of his life, and I did the same. We talked and dreamed of the future. I knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted children, and so did I. I was nervous about becoming pregnant. The idea of carrying a life inside of me scared me out of my wits, but at the same time, the thought was so natural, and my body felt ready. I was a mother, yet I had never experienced the joy, excitement or miracle of bringing a child of my own blood into the world.

When I expressed my anxieties to Sully, he took me into his arms and told me that it was my body, and if I wasn't ready, we wouldn't have children yet. I playfully noted that it could be difficult to prevent if we kept up our…activities as we were, and that conversation dwindled away, throwing us into the arms of passion once again. We were scared and going into this blindly, but we were in it together, for better or worse.

By the time our "honeymoon" was over, Sully and I were ready to bring the children home. It was an adjustment, but they acted as if we had been family forever. Watching them grow and learn and play was a wonderful thing, and seeing them every morning before work and every night before bedtime was a blessing, because they were my children now. I was their mother, and I was going to be the best mother, wife and doctor that I could be. It was amazing what those two little rosy-cheeked wonders could do to my heart. Sully repeatedly told me that he was so happy I came into his life, because he couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather be with or have helping him raise his children…our children.

From time to time, I wondered if Abagail was happy with my place in her children's lives. I wondered if she thought of me as a good mother or a good wife. I knew Sully didn't like talking about Abagail, but with me, he could talk about anything. He told me Abagail would have loved me, though I couldn't imagine the both of us living in the same world, loving the same man. I couldn't imagine the choice Sully would have made.

June 1868

Not long after Sully and I were married, I legally adopted the children as my own, giving them a legal mother and father. Since the children were still so young, we all adjusted to living together fairly well. Sully and I had to adjust to not sleeping alone, however, because we had both been so used to sleeping in the centers of our beds, so sleeping next to someone took some minor work, though I didn't mind. We were very absorbed in one another for the first month, and with the children now three and talking constantly, we looked forward to retiring to our room at the end of the night, though sometimes we were too tired to do anything but sleep. Two three-year-olds wore us out enough! Sometimes, they would find their way into our room in the middle of the night and crawl into bed with us, and we wouldn't find them until the next morning. They would be singing to us when we woke, and they would offer to make breakfast, which Sully and I quickly declined. But, Hanna loved to help me in the kitchen, and I had the feeling that she was going to be a much better cook than I was. I hoped so, anyway!

We packed the children up on a warm, sunny Saturday and went out to Willow Creek. Sully helped Adam with his fishing poll, and I sat on the blanket braiding Hanna's long, slightly curled hair. She told me stories about her and Adam's daring adventures, and I feigned fear during the scary parts. She was such a delight, and I felt honored to watch her grow from a nonverbal, nearly helpless infant to a walking, talking little girl. I had a feeling she was either going to be an actress or a teacher. She loved to talk and teach people the little things she learned, though we always knew how to do the things she learned. But, it was fun to play along and let her help us. She was caring and sweet and patient. She was the most patient child I'd ever seen, and Adam was nearly the opposite. He was always getting into things, and he was always trying to grow up too fast. Sometimes, he would rush Sully through the boring parts in the bedtime stories, just so they could get to the exciting parts. At three, these children were already their own little people.

Adam squealed happily, when he caught a big fish with his papa, and Hanna and I clapped in support. Wolf lazily lifted his head and watched, and the sun shone down on us. Sully said the Spirits approved, and I wasn't surprised. When Adam found a bullfrog, he shot off in its direction, and Hanna got up to follow. I called after her, just knowing that I was going to have quite a mess to clean up later, and when I heard Adam fall down in the mud, I sighed, and Sully hurried over to help him up. I frowned, shaking my head, but I couldn't suppress the laugh that came with it, and when I watched Sully and Adam go back to fishing, despite Adam's dirty trousers, Hanna came back over, settling back down in my arms, still clean, and I planned to keep her that way.

Hanna eventually grew tired and rested in my arms, while Adam got even more dirty by holding a slimy fish in his hands. Sully jokingly told him to toss it to Mama, but I quickly moved out of the way before he gave our son anymore smart ideas. Adam sure thought it was funny!

By the end of the day, we were all tired, and we went home to rest. The children played with their carved toys on the floor, and Sully and I sat in two large, wing backed chairs, watching them and smiling at one another. This was our family. We had come together and made it ours. But, I could see the hope in his eyes. He wanted a child, and so did I, but I was worried. I was worried that there would be complications like with Abagail's pregnancy. But, I knew that each woman had those fears when she was expecting a child, and I knew he was worried too. But, we still wanted to create a life together. We weren't going to let fear stop it from happening. It was only a matter of time before it happened. I could feel it. Our lives were about to change forever.

August 1868

I would never forget the look on his face when I told him. His beautiful blue eyes widened and sparkled in the hot August sun, and his hands immediately moved to my stomach, and his knees buckled. We held one another up, both surprised, both hopeful and both weak in the knees. A baby. I told him it would be a long time before I started to show, but he was so eager, already read to talk to the tiny life that grew inside of me. Our third child was on its way. It was my first birth child, and I knew that Sully was scared and happy at the same time. Abagail had died in childbirth, so I assured Sully that I would teach Charlotte the proper way to perform a Caesarean Section in case it needed to be done. She had brought a lot of healthy babies into the world, so I was confident that this would be no different. But, as a doctor, I knew that there were always risks of complications, and that made my heart, the one that beat as a mother and a wife, worry about the complications and the what ifs. I kept telling myself that I was going to be all right. My baby would be healthy. There was no need to worry.

I hadn't had to have my pregnancy confirmed. I knew it, because my body usually worked like clockwork, and my monthly was two weeks late. I knew it, and I was so pleased to be able to tell my husband.

We held one another for the longest time, until Hanna and Adam came in from playing on the porch. They asked what we were hugging for, and we shared the news that they were going to have a baby brother or sister. The looks on their faces were priceless, and I'll never forget them. Adam looked absolutely confused, and Hanna's eyes glittered with possibilities. She immediately proclaimed that she wanted a sister, because she already had a brother, but Adam wanted a brother, because he already had a sister. Then they suggested that we have one of each, and Sully and I quickly put an end to that conversation. One set of twins was enough! Though, of course, we would handle and love whatever miracles came our way.

For the next week or so, Sully watched my every move, but he finally got used to the idea that I was strong and capable of taking care of myself. Just because I was pregnant didn't mean that I became an invalid, after all. But, it was sweet to watch him carry the water in from the well, rub my feet at night and make sure I got at least eight hours of sleep. That wasn't the frustrating part. The frustrating part was that he treated me like I was going to break. I wanted him to hold me, and he was afraid that he was squeezing me too hard. I had to constantly assure him that I was fine, and it took a little convincing, but he finally warmed up to the idea that I was fine, and we could still be intimate without hurting the baby. I wasn't far along, but Sully wanted to be cautious. It took some getting used to, but we quickly cut around corners and discovered the joys of loving one another carefully.

Word had spread as soon as we got into town the next day. Adam and Hanna went about blurting to everyone that we were expecting. I couldn't even count the amount of people who touched my stomach that day. I was happy to get into the comfort of the clinic and put Adam and Hanna in the back room to play. Sully was heading out to work on some construction with Robert E. They were being paid fairly, I couldn't complain.

While I was updating a patient's chart, Charlotte came in, and I knew right away that something was wrong. I looked up into her eyes, and I saw the tears. I stood and walked over to her, asking her what was wrong. Then she told me that Ethan had left, taking all of his things and leaving nothing but five dollars in her money sock. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe that my best friend's husband had abandoned her. Ethan hadn't had the sunniest of dispositions, but I had never dreamed that he could leave Charlotte and the children. Four young children. My heart broke for that family, and I wanted to help, but I wasn't sure how. The only thing I could do was hold her and let her cry out her frustrations. I couldn't understand how she must be feeling. The man I loved had left me, but he had died. He had an excuse. Ethan had no excuse for what he'd done. He hadn't left a note, he hadn't left anything but a large burden on Charlotte to take care of the farm and raise four children at the same time.

Thankfully, the rest of August was uneventful. There had been no sign of Ethan and no word from him. The Cooper Children and Charlotte were spending an increasing amount of time with myself and my family, and it was nice to be able to spend so much time with them, but I saw such a sadness in Charlotte's eyes. She was doing her best to make end's meet, and at the end of the day, she was sore from tending to the fields and running after four children. Colleen and Matthew weren't old enough to look after their little brothers yet, unfortunately.

Adam had taken a liking to Colleen, who was just a year older than him, and he chased her around, making her squirm, because she was the one that liked to chase boys. She didn't like boys to chase her! But, Sully said that Adam took after him. He liked older women, and Sully said that his soon took after him. Sully and I were only a few months apart in age, but he liked to tease me, because I was that much older than him for just a little while.

September 1868

I lost my baby. I hadn't even expected it, but I woke Sully in the middle of the night, painful cramps wracking my body. There had been nothing we could do, and it happened so fast, leaving me feeling lost, confused and sadder than I had ever felt in my entire life. He had held me through the pain, but I still felt so alone. He didn't know the physical and emotional pain of miscarrying a child I had actually carried in my womb. He tried to understand, but I knew he would never be able to completely grasp it.

He tried to take my mind off of it, and I loved him even more for it. But, all I really needed was his support and love and the love of our children. Hanna and Adam didn't understand that their baby brother or sister had been taken to Heaven early. They didn't understand that it was gone forever like their birth mother. For days and days, my tears ran hotter than my blood, and I set fire to the sheets that were stained with my loss. Sully only stood behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, as we watched them burn. The children had stayed with Charlotte that night, and I hadn't spoken a word. Sully knew I needed him, but he knew I needed space at the same time.

I cried myself to sleep for nights and nights and nights, and I kept myself shut up in our room for the first week after it happened. But, Adam and Hanna's cheery dispositions sparked me to join them outside for long walks by the creek. Grace, Dorothy and Charlotte all came by when they could, brining baskets of food or pieces of advice. Sometimes they all came over at once to talk, and we ended up sitting in a circle and quilting, talking about anything but the miscarriage, but it helped.

When I was finally able to really talk about it, I was sitting in bed, my journal in my hands, and Sully was tucking the children into bed across the hall. My heart felt heavy in my chest, and I knew it was time. And, when he came into the room, shutting the door behind himself, I took his hand and mine. We had to talk. He knew it. He crawled into bed beside me, and we held one another. It took a little prodding on my part, because I knew it was difficult for him to talk about as well. He had already made plans for that child, and we hadn't expected to lose it.

We opened up to each other about how we felt, how much we wanted that baby and how we didn't want this to stop us from having children in the future. His voice broke several times, and when I cried, he kissed my tears away. When his own tears fell, I brushed them away with my fingertips. We were there for each other at one of the weakest moments of our lives. Sully had lost so much more than I in the past few years, but this was the heaviest blow I had ever received. A child of my own had been taken from me, before I had ever gotten the chance to feel him kick.

The blanket I had already started to knit was still unfinished by my rocking chair. Sully had carved it shortly after our wedding, and he had said he couldn't' wait to see me rocking our baby to sleep at night in it. Now, the rocking chair sat empty night after night, covered with a large picnic blanket in one of the spare rooms. I couldn't stand looking at it and seeing the child that could have been. I couldn't look at it and stop myself from crying and asking myself why. Why had it happened to me? Why couldn't I stop it? Why?

It wasn't until late October when we were able to start to heal. Despite the pain that had withered my spirits, I was able to stand up, walk into that guest bedroom and uncover the rocking chair that still held the unfinished blanket in its seat. I carried it into our room and placed it beside the hearth, and when Sully came home that night, I was sitting there, staring into the flames. He came to my side, and he asked me if I was ready. I told him I couldn't hide from it forever. It was time to accept the truth. We picked up the pieces of my failed pregnancy, and we decided that this child would never be forgotten. It hadn't been meant to be, but we still had so many years ahead of us. We had those to look forward to.

November 1868

We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner this year, and even Loren showed up to be there for Adam and Hanna. Sully carved the turkey, and I, along with Loren, the children, Charlotte and her children and Dorothy all sat around, talking and reminiscing about what he had to be thankful for. Despite my recent miscarriage, I still had so much to be happy about and grateful for. I had my wonderful new husband, my beautiful Hanna and Adam and many wonderful friends whom I could now call family. I had our home, my practice and my family back in Boston. I truly felt blessed, though my heart still longed for the child I had lost. Sully knew it, and he was patient with me. Sometimes I would wake him, not knowing that I was crying. Sometimes I was haunted my nightmares or dreams of what could have been. But, I took it a day at a time, and that was really all I could do.

After dinner, everyone left, and Sully and I sat out on the porch with the children. We watched the sunset together. Adam and Hanna snuggled up in our laps, and everything was calm for once. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke. It was silent. It was beautiful.

It wasn't long before the stars began to shine, and we took the children to bed. I was feeling restless, however, and I moved to stand by our bedroom window, looking out over the land as the moon watched over us all. My heart was filled with hope at that moment, looking up at that vast, endless ocean of black sky and white stars. When I saw one soar across the sky, I closed my eyes and made a wish. At that moment, I felt his strong arms envelope me, and I leaned into him, enjoying the solace of his embrace.

We stood there for what seemed like an eternity before retiring to bed. I still couldn't sleep, so Sully held me close, and we took turns telling one another stories of our pasts. We could have spent it doing a number of other things, but sometimes, we just needed words, and that was what this night was. He gave up sleep to stay up with me, and he kept me entertained with stories of his adventurous childhood. I told him of my extremely boring etiquette lessons, and he laughed, figuring that I had wanted nothing more than to break free and run like the wind. It was true. I had felt suffocated as a young girl, and my only release had been helping my father and learning the ways of medicine and helping people.

With December approaching fast, I told Sully that I only had one wish for this Christmas, and he asked me what it was. Hoping that wishing on the falling star had worked a miracle, I told him I couldn't tell him or it wouldn't come true. Little did I know, my dream was about to come true in a very big way.

Christmas 1868

I wanted him there right now. I wanted to look into his eyes, and I wanted him to tell me that he was happy. I was happy, and he wasn't there for it. When I looked at the clock, it counted down the minutes until his return. He was checking his traps. The children were napping upstairs. I was sitting there, sitting with a secret buried deep inside. I couldn't believe it.

When I heard his familiar footsteps on the snow-covered porch of the clinic, my heart began to pound. When he walked in, his tanned skin a contrast to the bright white snow, his eyes found mine, and I was lost in them. He smiled and walked over to me, kneeling by my chair. He drew me in for a loving kiss, and I knew it was time. I had waited too long to say it. But, I had wanted to be sure. Then, I told him.

He stared at me, his eyes as round as I had ever seen them. Tears were in my eyes, disbelief and shock still dripping from my words, but it was true. Not only was I late, but I was three weeks late. I hadn't wanted to believe it, and I had stayed silent, but when two weeks came and went, and another passed us by, I knew I was pregnant.

He pulled me close, and I wanted to hold him forever, encasing our child between us, until it was time to bring it into the world. I was so scared, and my entire body was quaking. It was an empowering feeling to know that you were carrying a life inside of you, and it was so scary, because you were responsible for that life. I couldn't lose another child. I didn't think I had the strength for it.

Sully promised me that he would be there throughout the entire pregnancy to do whatever I needed. I told him that was sweet, but it was completely unnecessary, but I still loved how he doted on me.

We didn't dare tell anyone about it, especially our little loose-jawed Hanna and Adam. We would tell them when and if the time was right. For the meantime, we were just going to pray that everything worked out. Hopefully, all would go well. It had to.

It was difficult not to tell the children on Christmas, as they sat by the Christmas tree with their newly acquired gifts. They looked so happy, but it was nothing compared to how Sully and I felt inside. I was still trembling from excitement, and we were holding one another close, living in the moment and admiring the family we had now. Hopefully, in a year, we'd have another little one around the tree.

Hanna came up to me, crawling into my lap, asking me to tell her a story. I couldn't think of anything, and Sully took her into his arms. She asked him to tell her about the lady who had given her life. She knew a little about Abagail, but she was still too young to understand. When Sully looked at me, I smiled, tears glistening in my eyes. I wanted Hanna to know everything about the woman who brought her into the world, because frankly, I wanted to know more about her too. Adam needed to hear it too, so I pulled him into my lap, and we listened, as Sully slowly recounted his days with Abagail and how much she wanted to be a mother. Oh, I could feel Abagail's excitement, when Sully told of her finding out she was expecting. My own heart leapt for joy, knowing that I was carrying a part of Sully inside of me; a part of myself. I could sense the worry in Sully's voice though. He didn't want to lose me. He didn't want to lose our child. We were going to hold on for one another and for the children.

By the time the children had fallen asleep, Sully and I were exhausted and ready to retire ourselves. So, we slowly took the children up to bed, Sully carrying them both, so I wouldn't strain myself, and once they were in their nightclothes and snuggly under the covers, we went to bed talked and dreamed and hoped about our future miracle baby.


	4. Chapter 4: 1869

**Chapter Four: February 15, 1869**

I had been so busy at the clinic, that I nearly forgot it was my birthday, until Adam and Hanna came barging in, with Sully not too far behind them. He reprimanded them for not knocking, but luckily, I wasn't with a patient. I was actually pausing for a quick rest, and they caught me dozing off to sleep at my desk. Sully grinned at me, and I sighed heavily. The pregnancy was already tiring me out, and I wasn't very far along at all. I had a good six months left to go, and I knew that this was only the beginning.

The children were singing Happy Birthday to me, and Sully was scooping them up into his arms. The night before, we had had a very romantic Valentine's Day supper, and the children had stayed in town with Loren. Thankfully, Sully had arranged for them to spent one more night. I loved my little ones dearly, but I was so exhausted, that one more night was sounding more and more appealing.

Hanna reached out for me, and I took her into my arms, snuggling her against me. She giggled, and I looked up at Sully. Adam tugged on his hair, and Sully put him down. We had been urging the children to speak more, because they weren't very vocal normally. They were usually quiet unless asked to speak, and while that was fine sometimes, we were worried that it would become a habit. We wanted them to feel free to speak, and they were starting to come out of their shells a little more.

By the time I was ready to go home, the children were eager to go to Loren's. So, Sully helped me with my coat, and we carried the children back to the mercantile. We left the children with Loren once again, giving him strict instructions to put them to bed on time, though we both knew that when the children were with Grandpa, "on time" was always an hour later. The children were always very tired the next day, but naps always helped, and they were beginning to realize that their parents saw through their sneaky little tricks.

Sully and I rode home in silence, though his hand rested on my knee. I scooted closer to him, when the snow began to fall, and he pulled me close, kissing my cheek softly. I giggled, telling him he had better keep his eyes on the road, and he cleared his throat. We laughed and talked all the way there, and when we got home, Sully made me sit down and put my feet up, and he cooked me a wonderfully delicious meal of baked chicken and rice, something I hadn't had since before I left Boston.

Dinner was silent, and by the time I was halfway through my dish, my body decided that it didn't want any more food, and it also decided that it didn't like chicken anymore. I quickly excused myself from the table and hurried to the latrine to empty the contents of my stomach. Sully was right behind me, holding my hair back and gently rubbing my back. So much for romance. As soon as I was feeling better, he made me some tea to settle my stomach, and when I was feeling better again, we headed upstairs to bed. Sully gave me a nice shoulder and back rub, and I quickly fell asleep afterward.

When I woke in the morning, Sully wasn't by my side, and I wondered where he might be. So, I slowly pulled myself out of bed, feeling dizzy and a little ill, but I slipped into my housecoat. When I arrived downstairs, Sully was stirring something on the stove, and he smiled, walking over to kiss me good morning. He handed me a cup of tea to settle my stomach, and he told me to sit down. He was taking care of everything.

It turned out that my stomach couldn't handle breakfast that morning, so Sully and I sat in the living room instead, enjoying the peaceful hour before we had to go into town. It was going to be a busy day for me, and Sully was going to help Robert E. out in town. But, we had a little bit of time to be alone together. Alone was a precious word to us, and we cherished these moments, as they came few and far between those days. We took what we could get, but we were grateful for everything that we had.

**May 15, 1869**

Our miracle baby had held on for dear life, and it was growing by the day and moving more and more. I had estimated the due date around late summer, probably the very end of August, so I still had quite a while to go, but I was enjoying every moment, despite the morning sickness I still felt from time to time. The children were already arguing over whether it would be a boy or a girl, and Sully and I were only concerned about the baby's health. All we wanted was to bring a healthy child into the world, and we wouldn't rest easy until we saw his or her little face, heard the first cries and counted ten fingers and ten toes.

It was mid-May, and the children and I had spent two hours baking a cake for Sully's birthday. He didn't know we were planning a surprise family birthday party, but we were, and as soon as he returned from checking his traps, we would surprise him. It was more exciting for the children than anything, but I enjoyed doing something special for him. Our anniversary was just a few days away, and we were already planning a romantic night at home, while the twins stayed in town with Grandpa Loren. We were very eager for that day to arrive. For now, we would enjoy Sully's birthday. I was anticipating the look on his face, when he came home to our little surprise. Sully could usually read me like a book, but I had managed to remain nonchalant for a week, as the children and I planned the big day. I was mightily impressed with their ability to keep quiet, and I only hoped that they hadn't accidentally let it slip, and Sully was pretending that he didn't know anyway.

When Sully showed up, we presented him with his cake, and he was surprised and embarrassed at the same age. When I kissed him, I teased him about how he was just as old as I was now. The children danced around us, wanting to dig right into the cake. We had made chocolate cake, Adam's favorite. We sang to him, and we made him blow out his candles, before I cut the cake and let the children go ahead and have some. They were dying to eat it, and we knew that it was cruel to make them wait a moment longer, when the sweet cake was right there, taunting them with its deliciousness.

While the children ate, I brought Sully into the living room, and I presented him with something that Cloud Dancing had taught me how to make. It was a medicine bag, a brown pouch that he could wear around his neck. He had admired them for so long, and I was proud to present it to him. He was speechless, when I draped it over his neck, and he thanked me with a loving kiss, as our baby kicked me firmly in the side. I laughed against his lips, and I placed his hand on my belly, telling them that our little one was saying happy birthday too. That brought tears to his eyes, and he told me he had everything he could have ever wanted for his birthday. Myself, our marriage, the children and the little one on the way. We were blessed, and I could barely believe that within a year of our marriage, we had become pregnant, lost a child and become pregnant once again. We knew that some things were meant to be and others weren't, though it was much easier to believe that when things weren't happening to us. But, we were still dealing with our emotions and taking it a day at a time. With each day that passed and each movement our child made, we knew that it had all been worth it. We were going to be parents to a child we had created together out of our love for one another. This child would surely be a sight to see; a wonderful creation of pure love and devotion. Three more months. I could hardly wait!

**May 20, 1869**

Our first anniversary was nothing like we imagined it would be. Just as Loren was about to pull away from the homestead with the twins in tow, Hanna vomited in the wagon, and she began to cry. Bless her heart, we couldn't just tell Loren what to do about it. My maternal and medical instincts advised me not to let her go away. So, we took Hanna back in the house, and we let Adam go with Grandpa to save him from being further exposed to whatever Hanna had. This was the first time Adam and Hanna had been separated since birth, and it was quite an ordeal. It broke my heart to hear Adam and Hanna cry for one another, as Loren drove the wagon down the road.

We took Hanna upstairs, and I discovered that she had a slight fever. I gave her something to settle her stomach, and I put a damp cloth on her forehead. Sully came in with hot soup, and we waited by her bedside. She started feeling better, but she liked the company, so if we tried to leave, she cried out for us. By the time we got her to sleep, it was late, but Sully was eager to celebrate our anniversary too. I had to admit that I was tired, but I might have had a little strength left in me. We held each other close and started toward our bedroom. Before we even got to the door, Hanna began to scream for us. Sully and I were absolutely exhausted now, and after we had gotten her back to sleep, we sat with her as long as we could in case she woke again, then we disappeared to our bedroom and fell asleep, still in our shoes and clothes.

The next morning, I woke up to a flower beside my pillow. It was a gorgeous red rose, and I sat up as quickly as my pregnant stomach would allow, and I brought the flower to my nose, inhaling the sweet scent of it. I looked over to see Sully sitting in the rocking chair, smiling at me. A smile crept over my face as well, and he stood up and moved toward me. I laughed happily, as he took me into his arms, and I made the joke of how I was amazed that he could still carry me with all of this extra weight. He paid no attention and said that he thought I was more beautiful than ever. Finally, we celebrated our anniversary. It was a day late, but it was certainly worth the wait!

When Hanna woke, Sully and I were dressing, and she came padding into our room, her hands clenching her favorite doll. I buttoned the last button on my shirt, and I slowly lifted her into my arms. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she was feeling much better, much to my relief! But, I took her back to bed anyway and told her that she needed to rest a little while longer. I poured her a glass of water and sat at her side, telling her stories until she drifted off to sleep again.

The entire time, I could hear Sully downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast and cleaning up the rest of yesterday's dishes. I felt grateful to him, because I had been too tired to do anything yesterday, what with Hanna ill and the baby draining all of my energy. But, Sully said he was happy to help out, because he wanted me to be rested for when the baby arrived. I knew he was still scared, as was I, and neither one of us wanted me to take any chances. This baby needed rest, and my exhaustion was the baby's way of telling its mother to slow down. I had a feeling this child was going to be there to tell me to slow down throughout my life. I had the feeling he or she was going to try to protect me, when it was my job to protect my child.

Loren brought Adam back that afternoon, and apparently, whatever bug Hanna had gotten had spread to him, and I had to quarantine him from his sister the rest of the day. I never expected motherhood to be easy, but seeing these children with upset tummies broke my heart. But, they were strong, and I knew that within a day's time, both of them would be up and running around outside, getting into anything and everything that could tear or dirty up their clothes. I had that to look forward for the next several years of my life.

**August 4, 1869**

After nearly twenty hours of labor and two hours of pushing, Josef Michael Sully was born in the wee hours of the morning, on the fourth of August. He came into the world quietly, not crying until Charlotte gently slapped his bottom, but he was perfect and pink and full of energy. His little arms and legs were all over the place, and Sully and I knew we were in for quite a journey with this one. I couldn't believe I had a son. I had given birth to my first birth child, and he was an equal mixture of myself and his father. He was beautiful, and his eyes were just like Sully's; his skin was smooth and pale like mine. He didn't have much hair on his head, but if he took after either one of us in that respect, he'd soon be toddling around with hair longer than his body length. He was perfect.

The pain had been almost unbearable, but when I heard his first cries and saw him for the first time, the pain disappeared, and Charlotte handed me my newborn son. The words "It's a boy" had shocked me and given me great joy at the same time. It was a miracle, really, and I had insisted on having Sully at my side. He had been so frightened, especially during those last few hours, when the pain seemed like it would never go away. But, everything turned out perfectly, and Josef was everything I had imagined him to be and more.

The children had wondered what was going on, and Adam kept asking why his mama was in so much pain. Thankfully, Sully handled the questions during my contractions, and by the time we made it into town, Hanna was asking the questions. After the baby was born, Sully brought the children in to see us. Hanna and Adam were captivated by the wriggling little pink thing that I held in my arms, and I explained to them that they were looking at their little brother. Hanna was disappointed that she didn't have a sister, but she promised to love him a lot anyway. Adam wanted to take him fishing right then and there, but it was much too soon

Sully and I spent the day lying side by side with our baby between us. Josef was a hefty eater, and he was a calm baby, not crying much, but I knew that would probably change in time. When I looked into his eyes, I saw the same fire in him that Sully said he saw in me. I knew we had brought quite a handful into the world, and we couldn't have been happier!

The first few weeks were rough. Josef didn't sleep well at night, though he was perfectly content to sleep all day. Sully and I practically became creatures of the night, sleeping as much as we could in the daytime and staying up at night to tend to little Josef. I knew that Hanna and Adam were feeling left out, so Sully and I included them in the diaper changing as much as we could. Hanna didn't mind it, but Adam preferred to watch and learn. As much as he liked getting dirty, he couldn't fathom the idea of changing his little brother's diaper after seeing his papa and me get a few surprise sprays courtesy of our Little Mister Josef.

Our first outing to town together had been quite difficult. Josef didn't take well to the bumpy wagon ride, and I couldn't blame him. Sully promised to fix the weak axel as soon as we arrived into town and got to the livery. Hanna and Adam argued the entire way there, trying to decide how they would split the penny that Sully had given them for being so good while we adjusted to having Josef around. I had warned him that bribery would get us nowhere, but it was just a penny, and the children had behaved well enough to deserve it.

In town, everyone came to see our little boy, and Josef didn't mind the attention, though he started to get fussy after a little while. I was surprised that Josef seemed to take a liking to Hank. He started crying, and when he heard Hank's voice, he stopped. I was impressed. I never knew that Hank Lawson had such a calming effect on small children, and it almost worried me. But, I knew that there was some good in Hank…somewhere.

**October 1869**

We almost lost Loren. He had come over to pick Adam and Hanna up, and he slumped over in the wagon. Sully placed him in the back of the wagon, and I sat back there with him and with the children, as Sully rushed into town. Poor Josef screamed in his basket the entire way there, and Hanna tried her best to calm him with songs and stories, but nothing seemed to help.

By the time we got into town, Loren was completely unresponsive. A crowd began to gather, and I asked Grace to take the children. She gingerly took Josef into her arms and called for Adam and Hanna to follow her. The twins were adamant about staying with their grandfather, but Sully convinced them to go so I could make him all better. Finally, they followed Grace, and Sully and Robert E. pitched in to help me take Loren inside.

After I examined him, I realized, to my horror, that he had suffered a stroke that had possibly impaired his mobility and his speech, and it seemed as if the entire town pulled together over the near death of their beloved storekeeper. His stroke had sent me way back to Boston and to my father's death. One morning he just slumped over, and we never saw him open his eyes again. Seeing Loren like this made me realize how serious his condition was. If I lost him, it would be like losing my father all over again.

I had never seen Sully so shaken. I knew he looked up to Loren as a father, even though he and Loren had been on opposite sides of the fence a lot of times. He had been his father-in-law, but they had never truly been close. He was absolutely petrified, afraid that the children would grow up without the only bloodline to their birth mother. Loren was all they had left of Abagail, and living without him was like letting another part of Abagail die too.

But, Loren was a fighter. He opened his eyes the day after his stroke, and unfortunately, his speech was impaired, and the left side of his body was immobile. While his body was fighting, his will was not. He was trying to give up. He wanted to die, and he'd even expressed that to me during on of his therapy sessions. For a week, I tried to keep his left side exercised, and I helped him with his speech. But, he got to the point where he no longer wanted to try. He wanted to die, and he begged me to put him out of his misery. I, of course, kept working with him, and I knew it would take something more than my medical skills to convince him. So, I tried the dirtiest trick I could think of and pulled in reinforcements. Hanna and Adam. Those two were his weakness, and they could talk him into anything. He didn't want to see them, because he didn't want their last memories of their grandfather to be of him lying helpless in bed, so I told him not to let those memories be that way. He had to fight for them, and I knew that as soon as he saw those children's faces, his heart melted again, and he saw what he had to live for.

Another week later, Loren was still resting at the clinic, and I was taking Josef into another room to put him down for a nap. I was absolutely shocked, when I heard my husband's voice coming from Loren's room. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help myself. He and Loren were talking about Abagail, about the twins…about everything. Loren's speech wasn't perfect, but he got his point across. He was asking Sully's forgiveness for his selfish attitude toward Sully's marriage to Abagail. He was thanking him for letting him be a part of his grandchildren's lives after everything they had been through. Sully apologized too, and I stood out there with my young son in my arms, and my heart was full of hope. I knew this would bring our family even closer. I hoped that the feud was over forever, and a part of me felt selfish for wanting to put Abagail in the past. But, she was the past. I didn't want those children to forget where they came from, but I knew that holding onto the past and not moving forward would do nothing but hurt us all.

Hanna and Adam brushed past me and hurried in to tackle their grandfather with kisses, so I decided to make my own entrance. I carried Josef in, and Sully put his arm around my waist. We sat there watching Adam and Hanna present Loren with flowers they had picked for him. Dorothy came in, and she found a vase of water to put them in. We all sat around talking, and the children told silly stories. It was wonderful that Sully and Loren could laugh together now, and I knew they still had a long way to go. They had their differences, but they had come to a decision to put the past completely behind them and start over. It wouldn't be easy, but it was definitely a big step.

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5: 1870

**Chapter Five: May-June 1870**

Children cheered, townsfolk applauded, Hanna and Adam danced around, and Josef screamed in my arms, because his father saw no reason to celebrate the coming of the train to Colorado Springs. He was helping Robert E. at the livery. I promised I could handle the children for a few moments, though Josef was very fidgety and not liking the screams of the train whistle. I covered his ears as best as I could, and as the black smoke clouded the Colorado skies, I watched in amazement, as the train completed its very first stop on the tracks of Colorado Springs, paving the way for the future. A colleague of mine, Dr. Bernard from Denver, arrived on the train to consult with me over a few matters. I had sent him a paper I had written over a herb that Cloud Dancing had told me about that had been known to increase fertility, and he had wanted to meet with me in person about it.

I had been feeling peculiar all afternoon, so I dropped the children off with Sully, and he promised to take them to Grace's for lunch, while I consulted with Dr. Bernard. Somewhere between the livery and the clinic, I began to feel faint, and Dr. Bernard quickly ushered me into my clinic and had me sit down. He made me something to calm my stomach, and he began to question me. It was then that I knew. I had all the symptoms, and I had completely ignored them for the past month. I hadn't wanted to believe that it had happened so soon after Josef. He was a mere three months away from turning one.

To my surprise, Dr. Bernard concluded that I was nearly four months along, and that the development of the baby seemed normal. I told him that it hadn't made sense. I had still gotten my monthlies. Very light ones, but I hadn't ever suspected that I was pregnant. He explained that some women do have some bleeding, but that he wanted me to take it easy and rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. He wanted me to send for him if I had any complications. The worry in his eyes certainly had me going, and I wasn't sure what to think or feel. Another child. I was happy, of course, but I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that I was going to give birth again in a few short months. The baby would be born in October, and I wasn't quite sure I was ready for it.

When Dr. Bernard went to find Sully, I sat there thinking of the many ways I could tell him that I was pregnant, Dr. Bernard was concerned, and the baby seemed to be developing normally enough. When Sully arrived, I was trembling, and he asked me what was wrong. He told me that Dr. Bernard informed him of my dizzy spell, and that was when I dropped our news into his lap. Pregnant. I wasn't sure if he had heard me when I told him, because his face was still masked with the expression of concern and anxiety. I hadn't expected a parade or thunderous cheer, but I also hadn't expected to get no reaction at all.

I asked him if he'd heard me, and when he blinked, I knew he had. He asked the normal questions, and he seemed concerned when I told him I was due in October. He asked why I wasn't showing yet, why this, why that, and I couldn't answer anything at the moment. All I could tell him was that Dr. Bernard suspected that the baby was healthy and that I merely needed to rest and eat more.

So, in official Sully style, he went about making sure I was comfortable and that I was taken care of properly for the remainder of the pregnancy. I couldn't help but sense that he felt something wasn't right. Perhaps it was because I felt that way too. I started to tell myself that I was only worrying myself for nothing. The baby was fine. I was fine. But, somehow, something felt very, very wrong.

By the time the children turned five at the end of June, I was obviously showing, and I was getting used to the idea of becoming a mother once again. Josef was still too young to understand, but Hanna and Adam were back to bickering over whether or not they would be getting a brother or sister. I felt a lot of movement inside of me, and I knew that there was something else going on. But, this only added to my worries, and I sent frequent telegrams to Dr. Bernard, detailing my concerns. Sully was growing more and more anxious by the day, and I knew he was thinking about Abagail. When the news came that I had been expecting, I knew it was only going to be more difficult for Sully.

Twins. There were two lives growing inside of me, and I knew that put us all at an even greater risk. Dr. Bernard promised to be there for the delivery, because he was especially worried about my condition. I knew I needed to rest, but with the train in town, I was getting more business. I tried to slow down, and I did as best as I could, but I knew it was only a matter of time before I needed to stop and concentrate on staying strong for myself and my children.

**July 1870**

It had already been a busy summer, with the railroad arriving in town and it was about to get busier. I had received a telegram from my eldest sister Rebecca, telling me that mother was ill. Fear gripped me the moment I realized that I might lose her, and I told Sully we had to go to Boston. He tried to argue with me, because in my condition, I shouldn't have been going anywhere. I knew he was right, but mother needed me, and I was terrified that she would leave me before I had the chance to tell her how much she meant to me.

Finally, he purchased the stagecoach tickets (due to the train being laid over for repairs) from Horace. Not wanting to leave the children behind with Loren, who was still recovering from the stroke he had nine months ago, we packed them up and headed to Denver to board a train that would carry me back to the place I was born. I honestly hadn't thought I would ever see it again.

On the train, Hanna and Adam asked when we would get to Boston at least fifteen times. The trip was going to be a long one, especially with a fussy Josef keeping us up at night and a gigantic bulge in my belly that moved constantly. Josef's fussiness was mainly caused by his gaining another tooth, and he was crankier than ever. Sully and I rested when we could, and Hanna and Adam kept each other busy with games. Dr. Bernard had advised me not to travel, but I had to get to my mother. I was terrified of losing her, and I promised to keep myself cared for in Boston. Sully even promised that the first ache or pain I had would result in him carting me off to the nearest doctor.

I was never so relieved to get off of that train, and Sully and I were greeted by Rebecca, who showered us all with hugs and kisses, especially young Josef, whom she was just meeting for the first time. Marjorie was waiting with her own two daughters, both tall, thin and wearing their bright red hair up in ringlets like their mother. Neither girls wanted anything to do with their cousins from Colorado Springs. Rebecca told me that she was sorry she asked me to come out being seven months pregnant and everything,

We arrived at the hospital, and the children were very well behaved. They rushed up to Mother, and I was amazed at how much they remembered her. Her doctor said her condition was quite serious; a heart problem that could prove to be fatal if not corrected. I was devastated by the news, and when I watched Mother hold her first birth grandchild for the first time, it broke my heart to realize that he may never remember her. She touched the swell of my belly, saying she could tell they were going to be girls. She only smiled, when I asked her how she knew, and she told me it was a grandmother's intuition. And, I believed her.

As the day wore on, we were escorted to my childhood home. Adam and Hanna took Rebecca and Marjorie's old room, while my old cradle was brought in for Josef. He stayed in my old room with me and Sully, and sleeping wasn't on anybody's mind. We were too worried about Mother. I was worried about not resolving some of my past grievances with her. I was worried about never getting to tell her how much she meant to me. I had tried to do so when she was in Colorado Springs for the wedding, but Sully and I had been so absorbed with one another, and it left me with hardly any time to spend with her. I felt guilty for that, but I knew she would understand.

The first night in my old bed was strange, and I felt so out of place, but Sully held me close, and he told me he could almost picture me growing up there, sitting at my desk, pouring over my medical books. I glanced around, noticing how our maid, Martha still kept everything immaculately clean. The desk was shiny and polished, not a trace of dust anywhere. It made me sad for her, because after all of this time, she still had my room ready like she did when I returned home for the night after my rounds with Father. Martha had been like a second mother to me. She had helped me study for exams, she had encouraged me to be my own person as a child, when Mother had insisted on me being someone else.

Over the next few weeks, Sully made me rest everywhere we went. I tired easily, and the children inside of me were draining me. I slept well, though sometimes I'd wake to a hard kick in the middle of the night. These two were already a challenge, and they weren't even born yet. I still couldn't get over the overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right, though I tried to tell myself that everything was fine. I was only worried, because it was a mother's job to worry.

**August-September 1870**

Mother's surgery went well, and by Josef's first birthday, she was home and celebrating with us. Hanna and Adam helped Martha bake the cake. Sully wanted me to sit down all day, and even though I wanted to help, I knew better, and I rested. Harrison was there too, and he helped Sully bring in the gifts. I was amazed at how many gifts were given to such a little boy who wouldn't remember that day. Mostly, money was given to put into a college fund that Mother had created for him. As a bonus, she created college funds for Adam and even Hanna, because she explained that if Hanna grew up to be anything like me, she would be studying too. Sully wasn't sure about taking money from my family, but since they insisted, we couldn't refuse. Mother insisted that she would always help out with her children and her grandchildren, and as soon as the twins were here, they would be just as spoiled. It was wonderful to watch her with them. I saw my mother in an entirely different light. She was different with my children than she was with my nieces and nephews. I supposed that it was because my children had different upbringings, but I didn't question her.

Josef was growing by the day, it seemed, and I could hardly believe that a year had passed since his birth. His hair was just like Sully's, though his eyes were more like mine now. They were very obviously like mine when he was extremely happy or extremely upset. He was turning into such a wonderful little person, and I was blessed to call him my son.

Once Mother was feeling like her old self again, we sat down and had a serious talk. Sully took the children out for a stroll, and my conversation with mother lasted for what seemed hours. We talked about how we felt about Father's passing, we talked about what it was like for me to move away and start over in a strange new place. We talked about everything, and in the end, we had started to see eye to eye. We both knew we'd never agree on everything, but at least we had grown toward one another more. I felt a stronger connection with her than before, and for that, I was thankful.

She was well enough to see us off at the train station, and she loaded the children down with candy and toys to occupy themselves with on the journey home. I was feeling poorly, but I decided that it was the fact that I was leaving my mother again that made me feel so bad. When the train pulled away from the station, I relaxed in a cot in our sleeper car, and Sully told me he wanted me to rest all the way back home, and if we needed to stop in Denver to see Dr. Bernard, I shouldn't hesitate to say anything. He was still so worried, as was I, but the pregnancy was coming to an end, and I had a feeling that a new chapter in my life, a very difficult one, was about to begin.

**September 20, 1870**

The day that changed my life forever was the twentieth of September. Earlier that month, Dr. Bernard had moved to Colorado Springs until the birth, because he was still very worried about my progress. He said it could be any day, and any day was right. We had moved into the clinic until the birth, because a ride into town was exhausting for me. I was in bed for twenty-three hours a day, and the babies were still active with the little amount of room they had to work with, which Dr. Bernard said was a good sign. He was afraid he might have to perform a Caesarean Section, but after a final examination on the nineteenth, he found the babies to both be head down. That was when my water broke, and there was no turning back.

The pregnancy had been difficult, and the labor was no different. I wanted Sully there, though Dr. Bernard warned him that if he had to do an emergency C-Section, the door wasn't too far away. The children were frightened, because they weren't used to seeing me in so much pain. Hanna was a good girl and reminded Adam that this was what happened with Josef, and they both held him and took care of him, as they waited on the porch with their grandfather.

The entire town seemed to gather outside, and for hours and hours. I waited for relief from the pain, though I knew relief wouldn't come until both babies were born, and I could ease my worries. I couldn't wait to see them and hold them and just know that they were all right.

Pain was an insignificant word by eight o'clock that night. It had manifested into pure physical agony. My body felt as if it'd been trampled by three freight trains, and I just wanted those babies out. Dr. Bernard assured me that the first baby's head was coming down, and I felt like telling him to go someplace that wasn't as friendly and loving as Heaven. Sully was a calming force there, and he stayed by my side the entire time. I apologized to him in advance for any bruises my grip on his arms might cause, and he told me that they'd be completely worth it. He was just as ready to see these children as I was, and when the first baby was born, smaller than Josef had been, I heard the cries and saw the pinkness of her cheeks, as Dr. Bernard announced that I had a daughter. Her name rolled off my tongue the moment I felt her tiny form in my arms. Sylvia. She was perfect. She was little, but she had a set of lungs like no other. Charlotte, who had been in the room the entire time, took my daughter and started cleaning her up, as Dr. Bernard prepared to help the next baby out. The head was already beginning to crown, and I was ready to die.

Sully gently rubbed my back, as he helped me to sit up, and when Dr. Bernard instructed Sully to push down on my stomach a little, Sully seemed to freeze up. I told him it was all right. Dr. Bernard knew what he was doing, and with great hesitancy, Sully did as the doctor asked. I bore down, my eyes staring at the expression on Dr. Bernard's face. I was scared, and I began to tremble, when his face grew pale, and his voice became uncertain. I screamed at him, beginning to tell me what was wrong, and I knew that Sully was remembering Abagail giving birth to Hanna and Adam. Sully begged Dr. Bernard to make sure I survived, and I promised Sully that I wasn't going anywhere.

My senses seemed to dwindle with those last few pushes, but after the baby's head was out, I gathered up all of the strength I had left and pushed with all of my might. And then there was silence. I could hear Sully behind me, but he had stopped breathing. I reached for my baby, when I didn't hear the cry, but Dr. Bernard wouldn't let me see it. He covered the child in a blanket, severed the cord and hurried over to try to put life back into my child's body. I was screaming, reaching out for my child, and Charlotte rushed over to me, putting her arms around me, whispering assuring words to me, but I wouldn't stop crying for my child. I needed that baby, and I wanted to get up off of that table and go to it, but Charlotte held me down. Sully couldn't move. I looked up at him, and I knew he was reliving that night again. I reached for his hand, and my touch sent life into his body again. I begged him to go to Sylvia, and he did as I asked, taking her into his arms and holding her close. She cried and squirmed in his arms, almost like she was calling for her sibling.

I felt the life draining from my body, and I felt as if I was starting to leave myself. I closed my eyes, and I could see them all. I saw Hanna and Adam playing with Josef, trying to keep him off to the outburst that had just occurred inside of the clinic. I could see Sylvia in her father's arms, fighting for her sibling. I could see my other child lying motionless before Dr. Bernard. A little girl. I prayed and hoped for her. I tried to give her my will and my strength, because it seemed as if she had none at that very moment. I needed her to live. I knew she was going to change my world forever, and I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing, but she needed to live. She had to.

When Sully saw me close my eyes, he put the baby back down, and he rushed to me, pulling me up, trying to keep me awake. He called to me, and I could hear it. My body was weak, but my spirit wasn't. I heard him, and I reached for him, and when I opened my eyes, I heard the screams of both of my newborn children. I heard Dr. Bernard let out a triumphant sigh, and when I looked over at her, her pale cheeks were starting to turn pink.

As soon as I felt my little girl in my arms, her name became Hope. I had hoped for her, I had prayed for her. She was here, and she was alive. I held them both together for the first time, and they seemed to calm each other down. Both of my girls were born. When Sully held them both, Charlotte moved toward me, expressing her pride. She explained that I had handled a twin birth much easier than she had handled giving birth to Brian and Johnny.

After I was settled upstairs, Dr. Bernard examined me again, and he said that I had done a superb job, though he had been worried about my health for a little while. He said that Sylvia's health was perfect, but he was concerned about Hope. She had a slightly elevated fever, and he advised me to keep an eye on her over night. So, Sully brought the children up to see their new sisters, and Josef could say Hope very well, but Sylvia was another story. He simply called her "sissy," and it stuck.

The children were staying in a room across the hall, and when Sully and I were putting the children down to rest that night, I noticed that Hope's forehead was even warmer. I immediately called for Dr. Bernard, and we both knew her fever was dangerously high. Yet, she was relaxed and completely calm. It upset me that she was so sick, yet she seemed to not be reacting to it at all. She was tranquil and responsive, yet the fever that should have been bothering her wasn't.

Little sleep was had that night, as Dr. Bernard and I worked hard to keep Hope's temperature from rising. Charlotte even came in to help us with Sylvia, while our concerns focused on Hope. We weren't sure what was wrong with the little girl, but slowly, her fever began to go down, and she seemed perfectly healthy. Sully and I only hoped that that was the last of her problems, and we were grateful that our worries had been eased…

**November 1870**

By the time the girls were about two months old, they were thriving. They were perfect, and each were a little bigger than Josef was when he was first born. They were a little small, but they were wonderful and healthy nevertheless. They were identical, though they each had quite different personalities. Sylvia…Sissy was the more nurturing one. She would snuggle up close with her sister, and she would be the one to cry out if Hope wasn't sleeping well. Hope had had a series of fevers, but she hadn't had one in over a month now, and we were hopeful that she was past that phase. Still, Hope was quiet. She was loving, but she needed more attention than she could give, and we found that her sleeping patterns were very mixed up, and she slept through the night more than Sylvia did. Sully and I could barely take them away from one another, because if Hope was out of Sylvia's sight for more than a few moments, she began to squirm and cry out, until she could hear Hope's cries from the next room. It was amazing, really, how clear and set their bond already was. It was as if they were meant to be born together, solely so they could watch out for one another. Sylvia was the protector, but she needed Hope as much as Hope needed her.

Thanksgiving was busy and full of noise. Charlotte and her kids came to join our family for the holidays. Dorothy and Loren came as well, and all of the children played together, while the twins napped upstairs. Josef was just old enough to start joining the children, as long as they weren't too rough. But, he apparently took a couple of knocks behind my back that I wasn't informed of until much later. But, he was a strong little boy, always getting into things and always making sure he could see that his mama was smiling and safe.

The blessing took quite a long time that evening, and I sat with Josef in my lap and thanked God for the family that I had been blessed with, the friends that had seen me through the good times and the bad and the doctor who had saved my little girl's life just two months ago. By the time dinner was over, the children were wound up on pumpkin pie, and the girls were starting to fuss upstairs. I was feeling tired, so after our guests left, Sully promised to clean up, and he told me to go get some rest. I happily obliged, and I took Josef with me. Hanna and Adam hurried up ahead of me, and by the time I got to the comfort of the bedroom, Sylvia had almost given up on getting my attention. I took her into my arms and sat down in the rocking chair. I began to feed her, and I peered over at Hope, who was awake and staring tiredly up at the ceiling. I smiled at her, wondering what was going through her mind. The mind of a child was an amazing thing, and I often wondered how my children viewed me and the rest of the world. I often feared that I wasn't doing right by them, but they seemed to love me just as much as I loved them.

By the time Sully came upstairs, I had fed both girls and had already crawled into bed. I smiled, as she strode across the room to check on each of them, and when he climbed into bed with me, I lay in his arms, enjoying the quiet that the evening had dwindled down to. I only hoped we would get a few hours of sleep before it was time for a feeding. The good thing about that was that I didn't have to get up alone. Sully always got up with me, unless he was very, very tired, and he would make sure to help out if I needed an extra hand. I appreciated him completely, and I couldn't have pictured my life without him. He was a wonderful husband and father, and I knew that I had made the right choice.

**December 1870**

By the Winter of '70, we were all recovered from the traumatic birth of Hope and Sylvia, and Adam and Hanna were enjoying the snow that seemed to fall at least twice a week. It would fall before the previous snow had the chance to melt, and it would pile up higher and higher. It was nice for the children, but for Sully and I, it was difficult to get from place to place with two feet of snow around us and five little ones in tow.

One particularly cold afternoon, Hanna and Adam were in town with Loren, and the snow began again. I wanted to go into town and get the children, but Sully assured me that Loren had been through a blizzard before, and he and Dorothy knew how to keep the children safe and warm. That reassured me a little, and we curled up with Josef and the twins in front of the fire in the living room, as the snow piled up higher and higher. We could hear the snow pelting down on the roof and ticking against the shutters.

It was still pretty quiet, and Josef was a sound sleeper. After Sully took him up to bed, and I carried the girls up for the night, we relaxed on the rug, laying back and listening to the wind outside and the crackling of the fire in the hearth. Sully's hand softly caressed my cheek, and our lips met, sweetly greeting one another and urging ourselves onward. With five children in the house and jobs of our own, it was difficult to find alone time like this, but with Josef and the girls sleeping and the twins with their grandfather, we took full advantage of the opportunity.

Before we knew it, we were making love in front of a roaring fire, quenching our hunger for one another for just a little while. Later, we lay together, our limbs tangled, our bodies drenched in perspiration and our hearts full. We hadn't had a quiet moment like this since Boston, and it was wonderful.

For two days, we had the house to ourselves, because the twins still slept a lot, and Josef slept a lot without his brother and sister to play with. We took full advantage, and it felt like a mini-honeymoon, and Sully promised we would get away soon enough for a romantic week in Denver.

When the children came home, they had stories to tell about their grandpa giving them candy and letting them each take a toy home from the store. Loren spoiled them so, and Sully and I felt like the bad guys. But, we knew Loren loved spoiling them. He'd had only one child, and she had been taken from him far too soon. Grandchildren were something completely different, and Sully and I knew those children would never hurt for anything if we or Grandpa Loren had anything to say about it.


End file.
